


Much Needed Fix-it for Aku Cinta Kamu

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Series: Malec Ficlet Collection [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coda, Episode 3x19 coda, Episode Fix-it, Episode: s03e19 Aku Cinta Kamu, Happy Ending, M/M, SPOILER!!!, malec fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 13:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18572836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: Basically what it says in the title





	Much Needed Fix-it for Aku Cinta Kamu

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Feel. Conceal. Pretend.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18572014) by [katychan666](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666). 



Magnus shoves Asmodeus off.

 

‘No! You have had thousands of years to prove your love for me, why now? Why like this? You threw my mother away like nothing. Why would you care now? Why would you know of love and loss?’

He knows this doesn’t make sense. As much as he feels vulnerable, raw from the breakup with Alec, the sensible part of him knows there must be something wrong amidst all of this.

 

‘Magnus, it pained me to take your magic away from you and I just realised it was wrong of me. Besides, a bargain is a bargain. I couldn’t just fulfil your wish without a price. What are you even talking about?’

Asmodeus replies, as he does, yet his words ‘bargain’ strikes another chord for Magnus.

 

‘So it just so happens that you have this brilliant idea to take away my magic, in exchange of Alec’s parabatai. It just so happens that your sudden realisation of what a good father should be coincides with Alec realising he doesn’t…doesn’t love me anymore? When you’ve had thousands and thousands of years to show care for me?’

‘Son, so what exactly are you saying?’

 

Magnus knows but he dares not to answer. Deep in his heart, he wants it to be Alec making a deal with his father, in exchange of his magic but at this point, he dares not say it out loud. The cold words out of Alec’s mouth is still hurting him so much, he cannot hope so far but he also can’t help it.

‘See, you don’t even dare to answer me. Why would it even be true?’

Asmodeus’ words now sound poisonous as ever before, and it makes something clearer. That even if…Alec truly doesn’t love him anymore, it doesn’t mean Asmodeus’ care is true either.

‘Maybe not, but neither is your care for me ever gonna be true as well.’

He flicks open a portal and turned away from his father, or…just the Prince of Hell.

 

* * *

 

 

To be honest, he does not know where to go. As much as he wants to rush to Alec’s side and know the truth, he is so afraid. As much as his wild idea seems to make sense, love is not something that is sensible, that he can claim to know everything about it. He has never been so scared, so terrified. When Alec uttered those unbelievable words, it broke him irrevocably, but that was not a time to be sacred or terrified. It was pain, endless pain and heart utterly shattered. Yet this moment, he was terrified. If he is wrong, he’d have to suffer through all that pain once more, in an even more cruel way that he infested on himself.

He knows, even back then when Zachariah told him that if it is something that he truly desires, he could do it, his heart doesn’t want to. The part of him that pulls the strings together to think that Alec made a deal with Asmodeus, is the same part that keeps him from truly banishing Alec’s memory.

‘My dear friend, you truly are a drama queen. Does it matter what Asmodeus think? Does it matter how the shadowhunter feel? I thought you know how you feel.’

‘You always give the best advice.’

His oldest friend always knows what he needs, even in death. Even if he can only hear his voice this time, it is enough. It feels a little strange, but Ragnor’s words brings me a little bit of his brave and confident self back. It feels strange to have his magic back as well but at the moment it is all dulled, compared to him losing Alec. He is still so terrified but there is something he needs to do anyhow.

* * *

 

‘I lost her.’

 

Alec can feel the exact strength of the pain echoing through their bond, even doubled with his own pain. He knows he should be ordering them to back off, to give some space to Jace but still ask him to explain what happened, but he couldn’t move. It is like the agony freezes both of them in place. He can see the cold, broken gaze in Jace’s eyes and knows that his are the same. If he could spare an inch of his mind, he’d think of the irony of it, but he could not.

 

‘Everyone, stand down. Keep tracking. We will sort out what happen.’ Izzy shouted, dragging the two of them through the hallways and settle them into her room. She knows, she knows either of them have too much memories if she let them into their own room or the Head of Institute office.

She sits between her brothers, knowing that there is nothing she can do, not right now, but just to be with them.

 

Alec’s phone rings out of nothing and just by the first sound she could tell it is Magnus’ ringtone. She grabs the phone and rushes out of the room. Luckily, the two brothers are still sitting numbly together.

 

‘Magnus, what do you want? Alec already broke up with you.’ As mad as she sounds, she knows she doesn’t mean any of it.

‘Isabelle, I don’t care. I need to see your brother right now.’ Magnus sounds urgent and serious, and part of Izzy can’t help but start to hope that he figures something out.

 

‘Well he doesn’t want to see you and we’re all busy chasing after Clary, so just leave us alone!’

‘If your brother truly hates seeing my face, he’d have to tell it to me and I’ll be gone. And thanks Isabelle, for letting me know that you are all at the Institute.’

Hearing Magnus’ words ignites a tiny spark of hope in her, just maybe he can at least save one of her brothers from this dark pit.

She walks back into the room and sees Alec and Jace holding each other’s hands. She wishes it would be enough for Jace to have them here with him. She slips Alec his phone back and sits back down.

 

‘What does he want?’ Alec asks, so void of emotion, as if while she was just outside, he has managed to drag himself back to pretending breaking up with Magnus has nothing on him.

‘He wants to see you…’ Izzy hasn’t even finished the ‘you’ sound when they all hear the knock on the door. The three of them freeze at the spot, as the door swings open and of course, it is Magnus himself.

‘Alexander, may I have a word, in private?’ Magnus’ voice is sure but quieter than Izzy has ever heard him. She looks to Alec, who seems to have surrendered to the fact that he’d have to try his best to persuade Magnus he doesn’t love him at all. He stands up, walks towards Magnus and leave them one more glance before leading him away. She can only hope Magnus truly has figured out and maybe, just ,maybe there is hope yet.

Alec plans to lead Magnus into one of unused rooms in the Institute, just when he turns another corner, Magnus stops him.

‘Your room please, Alexander? One more time.’ Magnus asks quietly, but Alec could hear the pleading underneath all the same. They have been together for such a time, shared so much of each other that it is impossible for him not to notice any twitch and change of Magnus’ voice, gesture and gaze. He just cannot refuse him.

‘Sure.’ They turn back towards Alec’s room in silence until he closes the door behind them.

* * *

 

They stand there, neither looking at each other directly. Magnus doesn’t really know where he should begin because even if it is true that Alec only broke up with him, in exchange for his magic, it does not change the fact that he begged, he pleaded and laid himself bare when Alec said he wanted a break from them. That desperation and hopelessness make him vulnerable than ever but the tiny, hopeful part of him still wants to try. Everything feels like a mess but he knows, he knows that he just needs Alec with him in the end. There is another part of him that is yelling at him to be careful, just in case it is true that Alec no longer loves him, that he is just getting himself more hurt, to not just throw everything in the open. Yet, if he has learnt anything from their relationship, it would be that lying does none of them any good. So he looks up at Alec and ready to spill everything. He steps closer to Alec, just within holding distance but restrains himself from touching him.

 

‘Alexander, despite all that you’ve said and days passed, I still find myself needing you. As much as it pains me to live without my magic, it is nothing comparing to losing you. I told you that day, I had lost everything and I can’t lose you, too. I was, still am in so much pain from losing you, Alec……’

 

He broke off, throat tightening just remembering the moment Alec walked away from him. Alec still isn’t looking at him directly but he could him tremble just a little from his words, and it gives him just a little more hope to go on.

 

‘So imagine my surprise yet absence of feelings, when Asmodeus appears and gave me back my magic, claiming it was out of his care for me. But I almost felt nothing of it. It doesn’t matter that my magic is back, when I don’t have you beside me. I told you that day that it is not your job to fix my magic and it never would be. I might be in pain, I shall mourn my immortality, but there isn’t a life to live, when you are not with me, Alexander! Wherever I go, it just reminds me of you, of the places we’ve been, of the promises that you’ve hinted that we’d have a future together. And I can’t let go of that! I am so furious with you that you’d throw all of that away just like that! I know love isn’t something that I can make sense of, but I know you. I know YOU! And you don’t work like that, I can’t accept that it’d be so easy for you to leave me. And I know that I won’t stop fighting for you…for us…until there is really a reason not to.’ 

 

He cannot help the tears falling from his eyes. The day Alec walked away, it is the same sense of agony, the same root of desperation, only now it has had time to grow. All the emotions he has had whirling within him just burst out, every line he has thought of, every little touch he has lingered on. Yet through his blurry eyes, he could see Alec finally looking back at him, shivering just a little with his eyes breaking and Magnus’ heart just grows surer. Still, he needs to throw everything out in the open, his tears just can’t stop as he continues with a broken voice.

 

‘Alec, I was so lost, so desperate, that I went to Brother Zachariah to ask for banishing all my memories of you, but he refused. He stated that if I truly wanted that to happen, my returned magic would be enough to do the trick. And Asmodeus echoed a bit of his words, yet he also shed light on something else. He has had centuries to want me back, he has had every opportunity to return my magic, so why now… Alexander, I refuse, I refuse to believe that you could just fall out of love with me like that, when it is even more unbelievable than my father claiming he realised his love for me after banishing me and despising me for centuries and more. So please, tell me you don’t love me anymore……or tell me the truth that you made a deal with Asmodeus for my magic returned? Because I need to know. After all that we’ve through, I deserve this…Please, Alexander…’

He has never heard himself sounding so broken, so raw in front of another being. It hurts so much to utter every word but he needs to. He needs to know even if it will cause him more pain because there is no one else he’d love as much, as deep as he does with Alec.

A part of him so wishes to just collapse and be embraced by Alec once more, but he dares not. He let the tears fall, shivering right in front of Alec, just waiting for his response.

 

A strong grip holds onto him, making him blink open his eyes.

‘Magnus, I…I can’t. He’d take it away from you again. I can’t see you break in front of me, never again…Please, Magnus…’

Despite his words, Alec is trembling just as much as he is and he can see the tears just waiting to burst out of his lover. As mad as he is with Alec for thinking that’d be the solution, his hears can’t take Alec breaking in front of him, sounding so vulnerable and scared for him. And he remembers, nights after nights that he took it out on Alec, on drinking, to drain his loss and he couldn’t be that mad at Alec anymore.

 

‘Alexander…don’t you see? Even if he were to take it away right now, I’d lose my magic a third time just to know that you still love me, that you still want a future with me. And I’m sorry, too. That I never told you how much it meant to me to have you right there. I got so lost in the pain of losing my magic that I didn’t tell you how much it saves me to have you just there. Even though, I knew…I knew then that having you there with me is more important than getting my magic back…I never quite tell you it. All you could see was me breaking, me taking it out on us. Alec, without my magic, I may be in pain, I may get drunk, I may break down every here and now…But without you, I don’t even have a reason to get through another day, to get better… Please, just…trust that you’re more than enough for me and I still love you, Alexander.’

He holds up his hand and cradles Alec’s cheek, sweeping away the tears and hold him tight in his arms.

‘Magnus…I…I am so sorry…Please I didn’t mean any of it…I wanted to stay but…I want to see you happy…’

Through his blurry eyes, Alec still never want to miss a second of seeing Magnus right in front of him. The past few days have been agony. He keeps trying to focus on work (and it helps that Clary and Jace and Izzy are all working on something with such high stake) but he could feel the pain accumulating within him, that he loses a bit of himself everyday without Magnus by his side.

So to have him so close, holding onto him, he just can’t help but hold on tight as well.

 

‘Just tell me, do you still love me?’

Magnus whispers, as if scared he’d refuse.

 

‘Of course. I love you, Magnus.’

 

He crashes his lips onto Magnus’, knowing he will never have to resist him ever again. That in time, his kiss with Magnus from now on will soon erase the painful and icy cold inaction he’d given to Magnus’ kiss that dreadful day.

He scrambles to touch whatever piece of Magnus his hands could touch, while Magnus does the same. Somehow, the two of them stumble onto Alec’s, their bed, tearing off each other’s clothes, just wanting to touch as much of each other as they can.

 

 

As they lay bare with each other, Magnus’ head laying on Alec’s chest, just as they’ve always been. Magnus looks up and carefully takes out his usual ear-cuff. With a flick of magic, it transforms into a silver bangle with its dragon head still on top.

‘Alexander…I know everything is still a mess and we probably should take more time, but I want to make you a promise. I promise that I will not give us up without a fight, even with myself and you. I promise you that you are the most important thing to me, more than my magic. I promise to keep loving you, however painful I feel, whatever agony I am in, there is nothing I’d choose over spending another minute with you, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Will you take it?’

Alec stares at Magnus, every single word he has just said feels like mending the pieces of him that got broken off since he saw Magnus breaking down that night at dinner. He can’t help but finally smile, taking hold of the bangle and answers.

‘I do, Magnus.’

**Author's Note:**

> I knew I couldn't watch S3B because it'd break my heart and just throw me into emotional instability after each episode and I can't afford that. BUT!!! I never thought just glimpsing one freaking minute of Asmodeus conversing with Magnus is enough to make me scream at the screen and cry NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
> And then to watch a few more scenes, JUST TO WRITE OUT THIS FIX-IT FOR MYSELF AS WELL!!!
> 
> If u want to, leave a comment to let me know if this fic helps wif the canon angst > <
> 
> But honestly, "Don't Feel. Conceal. Pretend." by katychan666 did a much better job anyway and that fic first heals a bit of my heart for me to survive writing this...So go read that fic too!!!


End file.
